Friday, May 7, 2010

mcd's coke

(my tweets from the day’s adventure)

if i could even tell u people what the fuck is going on at mcd's right now you wouldnt even believe me. fucking. ridiculous. for a fkn coke

me total was $4.74. i gave her a $20.00. she looks at me & rolls he eyes as she's digging thru the change drawer & says "sorry, no quarters"

Now, i dont remember what the total was cuz actually, i was getting rdy 2tweet, but she seemd 2b collecting like 274 pennies from the drawer

i assume it mustve been like 0.99 cents bcuz of the annoyed eye roll, bcuz counting our change is apparently sweat incuding, so i say

"oh thats ok, i have change, how much was it?" she says $4.74. well, actually, i'm tweeting so i reach down & pick up $0.26 bcuz i'm BUSY

so busy apparently, that i'm only hearing the personality who is saying "why the fuck was 0.26 cents so hard to break down from one quarter?

but all i hear from that personality is "twenty six twenty six twenty six" all 7 other personalities are talking as well:

P2: (fade in) " ok, these are the things i need to get done when i get up there - get over your fkn OCD & order, make that album (fade out)"

P3: (fade in) WHY is the bottom of my fuckin right foot so itchy? why is it my right foot? did i step on something sketchy w bare (fade ou)

P4: oh fuck what did the mcd's chick say? $4.24 *P4 ALSO hears the distant "twenty six twenty six" so: ah, yes, $4.2SIX! i hand her $0.26

she's frozen at the register, fingering the change so it would "clink" as though she hadnt had to stop & think cuz i would JUDGE her 4sure

P5 yo dipshit, you just confused the poor kid, it was 74 cents will you give the poor kid the right fuckin change- youure confusing me too

P6 would i know how to make change if i was her? omg, please tell me i would.

P7: (in geek voice) 74 & 26 = 100 she owed you 26cents. you gave her 26cents. youre an idiot. give her 48fkn cents b4 i freak out.

well, everyone was talking all at once & P7 was being a KNOW it all so i reached down, grabbed 2 quarters & handed them to her, apologizing

tell her i didnt mean to be confusuing, my bad, here's 50cents just keep the 2 cents..." i look @ the girl...she's clinking the change again

tell her i didnt mean to be confusuing, my bad, here's 50cents just keep the 2 cents..." i look @ the girl...she's clinking the change again

she hasd a completely blank face and in movie slow motion, she turns, hands me $ & barely mutters... "mmkay" She hands me: (drum roll)


this is where i lost the voet 5to3 (8 personalities) instead of driving off & letting it go i say, as her CORPORaTE cash drawer latches shut ...

i know i confused you, i'm so sorry, i just need one more dollar. i know its only a dollar but actually, i'm not giving it to mcd's

people in Nashville need toothpaste. McD's nees a fkn NOTHING

this girl is looking at me like i'm from One Flew Over & i'm after an awkward silence i was on the verge of just leaving Mcds w nothing, but

i actually dont have any money either so actually Ps who voted to leave, you should be telling me to be responsible & get my money

"umm... i'll be right back"

oh well thats just fuckin fanTAStic. i'm at the window to pay, 2 cars are behind me & she's gone. i hear P4 and P8: "run! run! go! go!"

after everyone in mcd's come and LOoKS att me cuz apparently being confusing is cause for a public viewing & finally, after everyone is done

she comes back with: THE BLUE SHIRT. (echo shirt 3times) the blue shirt, tie, & great big key ring attached to his wrist. TOUGH face

I'm really sorry, sir, I was really just (all Ps: shut the fuck up, he's not going to get it either - just LEAVE - he hates you - WFT?!) ...

TOUGH GUY (shaking his head): No, no, that's not a problem (exhales harshly 2let me know he's the manager (& his penis is small)) #dontsayit

he puts the key in the drawer, turns it like a man, opens it, and i sit up in my seat, ready to receive the $1 & get my fuckin COKE

well, he didn't slide the dollar out of that far right compartment. no he did not. and i didn't get a dollar, either. you knwo what he did?

He extracted the drawer from the maching & held it up with one had like a tray of drinks (cuz that's the cool way) & said: Just have to ...

ZERO - OUT- THE - DRAWER (insert any arrangement of screams or sound effects for every part of every screamy or sound effecty movie here)

NOOOOO! so immediately, i prepare to drive off and say, OMG! no, no, that's so unnecessary, you know waht, you can keep the dollar! its ok!

and HE SAYS: "we just can't GIVE money away around here." ... ... wait. what?

after that HARD silence of all eight of my coming to a complete halt in every single way... ... ... ...

... .... ... ... ... did he just say that?

*UPROAR of crazy me(s): OH NO HE DID NOT! u wait right there & WATCH him count that fuckin drawer if it takes a WEEK, what the f - who the –

"Nope, that's ok, we need to make sure that she (points to poor thing) doesnt' get in trouble.* (i'm still saying KEEP THE FKN DOLLAR!)

Mini Penis: Here's what you can do. I'm gonna have you pull out and park, it'll just take me a minute & i'll have someone bring your food

i ordered fries with my coke because i just finished and ice cream and i needed some salt. #randominsert

This guy is NOT going to let me bail bczu he thinks i'm ripping him off. Is this seriously happening? for a coke. my favorite coke

so i pull around, park my fuckin car and imagining how nice it would be to actually SEE the look on Mini Penis' face when he saw that:

ONE. DOLLAR. and those TWO. PENNIES. ...prick. he'd look at the slip, look at the total on the CALCULATOR, look at the slip, look at the...

shockingly enough, he personally delivered my coke & my fries with my one dollar & must have kept the 2 cents as his tip. I said thank you.

i apologized again, very politely, and as I pulled out of the parking lot, sipping my delicious, perfect coke, all the drama faded away...

but inside my head all the Ps were looking out the back window, flipping the bird & screaming profanities, & telling him he had a tiny penis

and i just drank my coke

hi guys!

*sips coke*

and now, instead of working late, i'm going to go home & give my munchie a bath & put a dollar aside for the next donation cup i see :)

and then i'll be back to respond to all of you. cuz i fuckin LOVE you guys *awww* my little tweep family <3 <3

___________________time lapse______________________

ready for this?! lmao i so deserve this for my name calling to Mini Penis. just left studio, got in car, was instantly surrounded w people

or rather, other cars who want my space (behind Bear Brew friday nite). i leave, someone wins, i pull out and suddenly realize: wait4it...!

i forgot my coke.

and it'll take a n hour to get a space again (ok, fine, a few minutes but fuck. seriously? ...FUCK!)

... ... ... *feeling defeated* i'd rather go home & bathe & tuck in my rascal

fuckin coke

*fades out* END SCENE

Just for the record, my McDs supporting friends, I was in NO way making fun of the girl bcuz she couldnt make change. I WAS confusing...
However, the scene did NOT need to go down like it did. And it wouldn've HELPED if she had know a wee bit more. it was more MiniPenis GRRR

·  but an adventure, for sure :) haha what are we doing, anyway? HI! laying on heating pad. not drugs...yet. Happy almost Mom's Day, moms!

My Friends responding:

that was the best Twitter story ever! Intrigue! Mystery! Suspense! Drama!! Delicious coke!! 5 stars.
I would have thanked him for performing his McJob so well for being a pillar in the McCommunity and wasting my McFuckingTime

LMAO I love you, you have been great entertainment tonight.

I need to send you a McDonalds gift card! I beginning to think you're a coke addict......

Standing Ovation!

I LOVE your mcdonalds story

Louise. That's just one great fucking big Tweet rant. I do hope 1 of 8 at least pulled her t-shirt and showed them.

McD's fountain coke is the best. Period. End of sentence. No contest.

I finally found the 1st tweet about your McD rant. I'm so going to dig in to this and read them all.

That's your dinner? A Coke and fries?

Mcd's is finding it tough to make a buck these days. LITERALLY!

This is hilarious! Man, I wish we'd met.

Well done. I wouldn't have left without my dollar either. :-))) I needed that story BTW thanks.

yikes. Was she at least cute?

and I LOVE giving them a penny when the change is 26 or 76, they get all confused it's great!

what is wrong with people, i want to say 'do your Fing job & don't be bitchy with me!'

Americans need to start demanding more qualified humans as cashiers.

That was fun, huh?

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